As I wrote in my other blog about my spiritual journey, I have labeled myself as ‘secular’, perhaps since five years ago. Coincidentally, my spiritual ‘consciousness’ came to me at the same time I discovered equality between men and women when reading Riffat Hassan and Fatima Mernissi’s book SETARA DI HADAPAN ALLAH. (I forgot the title in English.)

Secular here means I have tried to separate my religious life from my worldly routines. Hablum minallah (a human being’s relation to God) is absolutely someone’s privacy. No other people can interfere it. Living in a small town as well as in a family that is still rigid in practicing religion’s teachings made my life secular difficult for sure.

However, during my study at American Studies – perhaps along 2005 – I was a pure agnostic. (although at that time I didn’t realize that.) When browsing World Book, I refer the word agnostic to Bloomsbury Group (Virginia Woolf, E.M. Forster, J.M. Keynes, Bertrand Russell were some members of this group in London). It stated, “the group discussed and debated questions of art, morality, philosophy, and religion. The members had no single position on any issue but opposed what they felt was the conservatism of English society in matters of religion and morality. From an irreverent and agnostic perspective, they dedicated themselves to seeking truth through the use of reason.”

My two classmates – Julie and Asih – were my only ‘audience’ when I was bubbling about the impossible existence of God.

Recently, I started to consider myself as a Deist. World Book defines it: “Deism rejects most conventional forms of religion, accepting reason as the only guide to truth. It embraces the concept of God, however, in the limited sense of a creator, or first cause, of the physical and moral laws of the universe. Deists compare God’s act of creation to that of a watchmaker who builds a watch, sets it in motion, and then refuses to intervene in its actions.”

I believe there is a power beyond this universe. At this point, I believe that all ‘religions’ or ‘faiths’ are the same. They were all ‘created’ or ‘invented’ with exactly the same reason -> to make a better and more peaceful world to live in. absolutely all those religions and faiths have the same the so-called ‘god’.

If I can quote one status of an online buddy on FB, here it is:

“when climbing a mountain each climber thinks his way is the only way. But when he reaches the top of the mountain, he realizes that there were an infinite number of ways that could have taken him to the top.

(Jiwa Negara Yanik)”

He referred ‘god’ as the peak of a mountain. We all human beings are going to the same direction: going back to ‘god’; to reach it, there are many ways.

Nevertheless …

On my FB, I still label myself as ‘secular Muslim’. The main reason is -> my family (sisters and brother who are also on FB, as well as my mom. Well, in case, they will tell our Mom, how this little devil has become a non-believer. 🙂 )

(But trust me, I don’t feel ‘empty’ inside me with this spiritual condition of mine, as one very close person accused me some time ago.)

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