I was once upon a time a religious person. I am now a spiritual-romantic-intellectual agnostic.

I am the daughter of a fanatic intellect who taught me to be critical. Because of the way my father raised me, I grew up into a critical young woman, one who eventually broke his heart. He paid a dear price for letting me be my own person and become extremely critical (compared to other people from my country and generation).

When I was 25, I was at a turning point in my life where I could no longer believe in the religion I was born into and decided to convert to another religion that was closer to the values I believe in. When my father found out, he disowned me. This was 7 years ago and I am still an outcast in my own family.

My first religion was a very strict one that rendered me a fanatic. When I converted to my second (and somewhat present) religion, I could not shake off the need to be a fanatic. I was still the same fundamentalist, just with a different outfit and set of beliefs.

In the past 4 years, I have experienced so many new and interesting things that have turned me into an even more critical person than I ever was. However, critical as I maybe, these turns of events have also made me much less religious and fanatical. I have found that being a spiritual agnostic agrees with me much more than whatever it is I was once before ever did. I was finally happy and doing good things in life.

Of course I still believe in God/Higher Power/Deity but I have relinquished all organized religions because I personally think that they just cause complete chaos, segregation, hatred towards other groups, suspicious mindset and limit my thinking ability and willingness (not to mention how both my religions used to force me into believing certain things without the possibility or permission to break the mould, and to think and ask questions out of the box).

Even though I know that my kind are most likely condemned by most people from my own country (daddy included), I now choose to live life with love (to the best of my ability) and I try to be as kind possible to anyone without the guidelines of a specific religion. I strongly believe that as humans, we were all born with a moral compass, we are all familiar with the primordial morality – do not do to others what you don’t want done upon you.

Yes, I am a spiritual-romantic-intellectual agnostic. Does this make me a child of a lesser God? Does this make me a bad person? I dont think so. But one thing I know for sure, I am no longer scared of the abstract, of death and of the unexplained. Instead I am now blessed with the ability to feel God’s love for me. Two words to describe it: absolutely awesome!

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it out of religious conviction.
Blaise Pascal

Published with kind permission from the author